I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
