I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
