I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
