All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
