Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
