I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
