remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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