So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
