remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
