I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I want her autograph on my taint
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
