i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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