worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i came on her dog
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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