I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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