I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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