I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
