WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
