I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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