He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
