I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
