I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
