She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
