You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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