Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
