you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
