You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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