Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
