I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
