he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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