I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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