I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
