No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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