The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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