My liver just broke up with me...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
