i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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