I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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