Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
