You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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