Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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