im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
