Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
