There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sorry about my life...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
