??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
