I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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