Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
