I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
