meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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