Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
