Already got asked if we're dating
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Congratulations! We have a period
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
