I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
