piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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