I met the friendliest cop last night
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
