is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
