My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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