If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
